The Top 15 Worst Men in Azeroth (Part 1)

Chat, it’s been a BUSY WEEK!!! I’m here after being sick, applying for jobs, and doing a billion delves. But we are so back. Twitter voted and said it was time to roast some of the fictional men of Azeroth, so it’s time to do just that. I recommend splitting this post in two-it’s quite long! In fact, I’ve already split it in two for you!

Here are my 15 least favorite men in Azeroth, whether that be because they suck, are annoying, have done heinous shit, or committed the cardinal sin of boring me. Let me know which Azerothian Dudes you dislike!

Note: the Jailer will not appear on this list. That would involve acknowledging him.

15. Arygos

One of Malygos’ kids, Arygos was kind of always a prick. He was one of the high-profile blue dragons to side with Malygos during the Nexus War. I’m willing to give him 10% grace for this decision because the entire Nexus War is dumb and a bit of a fabricated character turn of Malygos for no reason, and I can get siding with your dad then hopping sides once he died.

So when you want to replace him as aspect, instead of earning support among your kin and running a successful campaign, what do you do? Turn to the guy who wiped out half the blues, of course!

Arygos sides with Deathwing during the Cataclysm which is really, truly stupid. Not only has Deathwing gone absolutely bonkers by this point, as I said, he used the Dragon Soul to kill a shit ton of blue dragons. Why would Arygos think Deathwing would have any investment in keeping him safe after completion of their deal? Then he killed Tarecgosa which makes him an absolute dickweed.

Worst of all? He sold off his pregnant sister Kirygosa as part of his deal. Arygos sucks may he rest in shit.

                                                                                kinky.

14. Thalen Songweaver

The guy who excitedly blew Theramore up with the mana bomb he designed. Beginning the trend of Blood Elves feigning as Kirin Tor mages who were secretly working for Garrosh, this guy displayed a ton of classic narcissistic traits. He thought he absolutely slayed and what better way to slay than…a nuke. We’ll meet another character later who not only enjoys, but is proud of their work on weapons of mass destruction and blowing up innocent people. He likes his work so much that the mini mana-bomb toy Horde players got after Theramore was mailed to them by Thalen and he made it. “Thanks for dropping a bomb with me, here’s a souvenir to remember it by!” WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

He faced very few consequences for his actions (booo) and liked Garrosh so much that he helped Kairoz get him out of jail. But we’ll talk more about that later. This guy has obnoxious dialogue, kills innocent people with glee, and is just a prick. Die.

13. Nathanos Blightcaller

Yes his voice actor slays, yes he’s my dark edgy prince, yes he’s annoying as fuck. Nathanos spends the vast majority of his screen time yelling at the Horde adventurer for some reason or other and treating everyone else like shit too. Of course, he was much less annoying pre-death and was kind of an ugly chill dude when he first met Sylvanas. Unlike other Forsaken though, he chose to be a consistent asshole and find no meaning in his undeath. There are ways to aid Sylvanas that don’t involve being an asshole just to be an asshole. He’s higher than Gallywix because he was party to just a few more war crimes and knew more than Gallywix did about the true end game of the war, making him a bit more complicit to me. It’s also arguable that, since he knew Sylvanas thought she was doing the right thing, he also thought he was. There are cool moments of hesitation throughout BFA when he’s about to perform some of the things she asks of him. But giving those moments credence involves me thinking they actually had a “morally grey” Sylvanas story ready to go and not…what we got. As I’ve said before, I’m a Sylvanas fan even through her awful writing during BFA-SL, and honestly part of why I hate Nathanos is because I’m such a Sylvanas fan. Please have more traits than “I love her so I’ll do whatever she says.” Yikes.

                                                                             POWAH!

12. Archbishop Benedictus

Finally, I get to hate on a clergy member. Oh my god this guy. So putting my own dislike of the church aside, Benedictus is kind of fine in Vanilla. Nice priest, leads the church of the Holy Light, yada yada. Man always had a bit of a crisis of faith around the Light though, which is already a deduction, because how are you gonna parade a religion around if you yourself don’t even fully trust it? (see: real world. Ah-hem. Anyways).

Around the time of TBC, Benedictus got some weird culty visitors. They eventually cultivated enough uncertainty in him to let the Old Gods start whispering to him. His belief shifted to the Void as the natural state of the world, that the Light was the problem. AND HE STILL REMAINED IN CHARGE OF THE CHURCH!!! You have to be such a specific kind of evil to be able to pull this off.

Then he informed his captive Kirygosa, Arygos’ sister, that he intended to “mate” with her. GROSS! DIE! She escaped thank god but EW! He would later reveal himself at last when Thrall approached Wyrmrest Temple and attempt to stop the heroes’ efforts to avert the Hour of Twilight. Then we killed him 😊

At least he has an absolutely iconic voice line in Hour of Twilight: “there is only POWAH!” Trash.

11. Warden Stillwater

One of the less widely-known characters on this list, you may have forgotten Warden Stillwater. He is an NPC in Cata Hillsbrad Foothills around the Sludge Fields. The first thing you need to know about him is that he disagreed with Sylvanas’ approach of raising people who were already dead with the Val’kyr. He preferred to deploy the Blight, kill new people, and raise them as Forsaken. So that’s great.

There has long been a theme of “forsaken npc’s who even Sylvanas would beat up” because of how deranged they were and he is one of them. The true nature of his experiments in Hillsbrad is beyond fucked up: the adventurer goes around finding humans who have been buried in dirt up to their heads, various limbs, and mindless zombies around the area. His experiments turn Forsaken into mindless undead, similar to their scourged forms, and have the potential to outbreak. Basically, this man was about to make another plague of undeath with zero agency involved.

Warden Stillwater is just really fucked up and unrepentant until the very end. He gets a spot because of the sheer degree to which his experiments were fucked up. Well-depicted and another reason why Hillsbrad is such a great zone.

10. Xavius

Miraculously, Malfurion is not on this list. I did some soul searching after his lovely appearance in the DF ending and realized I don’t intrinsically hate Malfurion, just how he’s been written in WoW. But you know who I do hate? His vengeful ex, Xavius.

Prior to WoW, Xavius was still kind of an asshole. We are now entering the part of the list of “people who kind of always sucked before their inevitable corruption.” Xavius fits this description perfectly. He was one of Azshara’s most trusted advisor during ancient times and, since she kept her magical prowess a secret, he was considered the most powerful Highborne sorcerer. He began planting the idea of collaboration with the Legion and became besties with Sargeras. Ish.

Eventually, Sargeras made Xavius the first Satyr. Xavius would then carry out his mission of forcibly creating as many Satyrs as possible in service of Sargeras. As if summoning the fucking Legion and putting Azeroth on its “always in danger” course wasn’t bad enough, mans went around making more people miserable. Eventually, Malfurion dealt with him, starting the most eternally vicious grudge a Night Elf ever saw.

                                                                              ...kinky...

This guy hates Malfurion’s guts. Xavius made sure a piece of him would be planted on Teldrassil, sealing the new tree’s corruption from the start, while he continued his schemes to unleash the Nightmare. He corrupted a willing Fandral Staghelm into helping him keep Malfurion asleep for many, many years. If he couldn’t do shit on the material plane, he decided Malfurion couldn’t either. Nasty!

Xavius only got pettier as time went on. During his long-awaited appearance in the Legion expansion, his attacks on us in Val’sharah felt very personal. Not only did he go after Cenarius, Malfurion’s favorite teacher, he also went after Ysera (WHICH I’M STILL MAD AT HIM FOR), one of Malfurion’s long-time friends. When Tyrande went to go save a kidnapped Malfurion, Xavius impersonated Malfurion, taking an opportunity to make Malfurion look extremely stupid and annoying. Anyone remember “Tyrande! I NEED you!” voice lines? That’s not actually Malfurion, that’s Xavius making fun of Malfurion.

Anyway Xavius sucks and should’ve easily won multiple wars but lost them because he couldn’t let go of a grudge so I’m laughing at him.

9. Genn Greymane

Oh Genn. You have always been a racist xenophobic piece of shit. With some redeeming qualities. But omg. You all may remember the Dragonflight epilogue quest where we retook Gilneas. In that quest, Genn says to his daughter, Tess, in different words, “look Tess I’m a boomer and I can’t stop being racist. Clearly the world is moving past that. I can’t be in charge anymore your turn.” How did he get there?

In the Second War, Greymane had already been a founding member of the original Alliance of Lordaeron. He offered middling support against the Horde, claiming that Gilneas was great and didn’t need to send many resources. He didn’t support using taxes to build Orc internment camps (W), but for the reason that he didn’t want Gilnean taxes to go toward them (L). He withdrew from the Alliance (W) because he wanted to become an isolationist (L). Then he BUILT A WALL to keep Gilneas from other people. Like, Genn, please stop leaning far-right it’s very cringe.

                                                                             old wolf

Then he did his big dumbass move where he invited Archmage Arugal to summon literal feral Worgen to defend Gilneas. How did he think that was gonna go? Backfired as fuck and ended up with the Worgen curse infecting much of Gilneas. Now Worgen have found meaning and truth in their experience, and I’m so happy for them, but in general, getting cursed and turned into a Worgen is not on the top of most peoples’ lists! Way to go, Genn!

Basically he’s one big long “oh no! my hubris!” extended over multiple decades and wars. And this is all pre-WoW. In WoW, he’s one-note, can’t process grief and causes a lot of people to die for it, loses sight of goals to chase Sylvanas, etc., which is totally fine writing but oh my god it makes him annoying to be around. There’s a reason this man yelling “SYLVANAS!” became such a meme-this is the word he’s said on screen the most in the entire game.

He has a few redeeming qualities, such as his relationship with his kids, his friendship with Varian, and his newfound mentorship of Anduin, but in general, this guy causes a lot of problems and rarely makes amends for them. AND DID I MENTION HE’S ONE OF THE MOST RACIST PEOPLE IN A GAME FULL OF RACISM? BRO!!!

8. Mekgineer Thermaplugg

An annoying voice, a terrible dungeon, awful aesthetic, and just a bad dude. Thermaplugg’s got it all. Sicco Thermaplugg (his real goverment name btw) and Mekkatorque were good friends and colleagues, but eventually, Mekkatorque was named High Tinker, which Thermaplugg was pissed about. Mekkatorque didn’t know that Thermaplugg would begin harboring resentment, but he did, even as Mekkatorque gave him a position in his court. In the Third War, Troggs attacked Gnomeregan after their release from Uldaman. Out of options, an exhausted Mekkatorque asked Thermaplugg what to do.

Accounts differ here. Some historians think Thermaplugg planned everything from the invasion to the fallout, others think he capitalized on the invasion but didn’t plan it. He proposed a plan to Gelbin that involved flooding Gnomeregan with radioactive gas (HUH?) that would eliminate Troggs. After lying about his data on the gas (unethical!) he convinced Mekkatorque to deploy it. Per his calculations, he thought 30% of Gnomes would be wiped out, which he found an acceptably high number of corpses to convince the people he was the rightful High Tinker.

                                                           honestly gelbin is my king

Oops! The Gnomeregan Exiles didn’t turn against Mekkatorque. Oops! It killed 80% of the Gnomes, not 30%! Oops! The survivors turned into Leper Gnomes! Oops! Only a few Troggs died!

This is why Thermaplugg sucks. His attempt at becoming High Tinker fails because Gnomes reacted in an unpredictable way. Totally ok, mortals are unpredictable all the time. But bro messed up his actual math calculations too. How bad at your job do you have to be to mess up both interpersonal and scientific goals? And this guy thought he was the rightful leader of an entire race?

Anyway he threw a fit, ran into the gas, and declared himself king of the Gnomes, thus creating one of my least favorite dungeons in wow ever: Gnomeregan. Not only is he an asshole, he has a horrid dungeon to go along with it. Zero redeeming qualities. Fuck you.

Continue the list in part two here!